Amuseables Boiled Egg Geek | Science Writer
All the features included in our new model.
There are a thousand and one ways to modernise your home: smart lighting, wireless speakers, gadgets with settings to adjust their settings and a screen so big it almost makes you squint...
But the best upgrade? A puppy.
Science writer for the Jelly Journal, Amuseables Boiled Egg Geek never misses an opportunity to test something new. And this one did not disappoint. The brand new Golden Puppy arrived perfectly operational... and literally jumped out of its packaging, with no installation phase required.
In the name of scientific rigour, Boiled Egg Geek tested his new companion in various environments: the living room, the garden and... the sofa (although he still can't explain how it managed to get up there).
Of course, any serious scientist first consults the instruction manual... before it gets chewed up.
So here's what you'll find in the box:
1. Zoomies
Technical note: The Golden Puppy is not supplied with any warning signals or stop buttons. The transition from "absolute calm" to "total chaos" is instantaneous.
2. Bravery
Barks proudly at Strutton Pigeon and its friends through the bay window.
If the door opens, brave mode may briefly go on standby (pigeons are considerably more impressive up close).
In this case, the puppy automatically retreats to the secure zone: the sofa.
3. Stick Handling
Golden Puppy will consistently select the largest stick available. If the stick does not fit through the gate, the gate is at fault. Please proceed with the necessary updates.
4. Training
Level of responsiveness to the following commands:
"Sit": good understanding.
"Stay": some bugs observed.
"Come here": reinterpretation. It will happily trot in circles around you.
Note: performance significantly optimised in the presence of treats and applause.
5. Dreams
Once sleep mode is activated, a slight trembling of the paws and small, discrete "woofs" are often observed. Sometimes the tail wags, even if "chasing the ball" mode is deactivated.
Cuteness index: maximum.
Final observations: noticeable increase in the level of joy
Installing a Golden Puppy in your home leads to a significant increase in time spent outdoors, an intensification of stick-related debates, and a remarkable elevation in the daily level of joy.
It seems that even the most serious, methodical, and tough scientist... ends up getting all soft at the sight of this puppy's irresistible gaze.